Fiction || Letter To Nathan

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Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry.

Sorry you didn’t get to choose
Being human, a duck or shoes.

Sorry daddy didn’t witness your birth
Didn’t see you take the first breath
I’m sorry mum didn’t feed you properly
Passing you around like another man’s property

No lullabies
Cause she couldn’t sing
Don’t blame her though
No love her mother had shown

I’m sorry the memories you have of dad
Are odd and sad
He couldn’t give up the bottle
And down the stairs he’d stumbled
The doctor had declared him a vegetable
And that night stays unforgettable

I’m sorry Mum didn’t stay home much
Didn’t have the homemaker’s touch
Sorry she couldn’t understand
And your esteem sank to the ground

The nanny she’d leave you with alone
Hanging out on your own
Apparently money meant more
Than her only son

I’m sorry puberty was heralded with abuse
The same maid who had her own
issue

Sorry wishes didn’t make it end
And in writing you found a friend
I’ve read your diary
The burden was more than you could carry

I’m sorry secondary school
Had some fools
Nobody should be a bully
Sorry for that folly

Your heart hardened the more
And understanding you yearned for

Later the girls thought you were cute
Their love on you profuse
I’m sorry love wasn’t a thing to you
And to every girl you’d claim you do
Leaving secondary school that year
You were the baddest guy they cheer

On and on till college
Inside was empty, no knowledge
Of how great things could be
The beauty of how life really seem

I’m sorry we never met
Because mum caused my death
Perhaps things would have been different
Fate might have been lenient

I’m sorry brother
In the next life perhaps we’d have a better mother

I watch you as you lie on the hospital bed
Random thoughts running through your head
Distorted with the drugs in your bloodstream
Perhaps this could have all been a dream

But no Nathan, and I’m sorry
Maybe sorry is not fit for your story

I’m sorry for a lot of things
But let’s see what tomorrow will bring

Yours sincerely,
Baby

©Ajibike Oyindamola

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