Candid Talk: Getting Over A Fuckboy

Getting Over A Fuckboy

Hi readers!
How are you today? Great I hope. So far I have failed at beating last year’s record of blog posts in March. Please accept my apologies. Back with yet another candid talk post and this one is based on personal experience. I posted a series sometime last year relating to fuckboys and you can check them out here, here and here. The posts are really insightful, got reblogged by three sites and people said they are hilarious. Warning: This post contains several instance of the f-word. Stop reading now if you’re not comfortable lol.

Anyway, if you happen to have fallen into the hands of a fuckboy or player you can probably relate to this post well (or not). Back in 2015, I had my first bad experience in the hands of one and I am here today to tell you the steps needed in getting over a fuckboy. So how do I get over a fuckboy?

1. Do not, I repeat do not blame yourself. Well, well, we all seem to think we are smart when it comes to dating but I think I learned at the end of my fuckboy experience that it is okay to be stupid. I blamed myself for being stupid to have fallen into his trap. But I quickly realized how wrong I was. Many girls before me had fallen into the same trap and it was just the guy. It was him not declaring his intentions. It is okay to cry and get emotional. Yes you thought he was different. But did he define what you guys were?

fuckboy quotes

2. Minimize or cut all forms of communication. I don’t talk to the fuckboy in my narrative anymore because it feels better that way. I tried to chat normal but it wasn’t making sense. If you feel talking to him is going to tear you up or have you feeling some type of way, just don’t. If he happens to be the remorseful fuckboy, it might be okay to stay as friends with him but be careful you don’t fall into the old pattern.
Talking to someone also helps a lot. Friends that joke about it, make you laugh and forget will come handy. Write about it if it’d be better. These two methods worked for me. Life is honestly too short to be stuck crying over one guy. Leave trash for LAWMA!

3. Don’t stalk him. Still on my experience, I almost unfollowed and blocked the fuckboy’s media accounts I followed in a bid to not know what’s going on with him. Trust me, it can be annoying when you see a fuckboy happy when you’re not and when he has moved on to another victim? You’d want to rip his head off. Turn a blind eye to his activities if you don’t want to unfollow. Out of sight they say is out of mind.

4. Don’t dwell on the past. Some girls will still hold on to pictures and things from the past. Beht why? Yes yes it’s okay to fall in love with a fuckboy but get him off your mind. It’s okay to miss him but don’t call to see if he wants to hang out or something. Don’t play the loyal role you did when y’all were together. Don’t make time out for him or leave him as a priority. In fact you should steer clear of him. A person who fucked you up once might gladly do it again.

Getting Over A Fuckboy

5. Don’t belittle yourself. The fact that you got played by a fuckboy doesn’t mean you’re anything less than beautiful or awesome. No one determines that except you. After an experience with a fuckboy, you’d most likely meet other decent guys who will appreciate every bit of your being. Although it’d take time getting back into the relationship vibes, slowly and steadily you’d be back to normal. Get that glow on, slay your makeup, look good and stay confident! Pepper them!

who you make yourself to be

Happiness is one thing everyone should strive for and a fuckboy should not deprive you of that. There you have ’em! Ladies in the house, ever fallen into the hands of a fuckboy? How was the experience like? How did you get over him? Which of these points can you relate to the most? Do leave a comment below. The best part of posting on this blog is getting your feedback and comments. What are your thoughts about this post?

P.s: I just realized how cool it would have been if this fuckboy blog post was a vlog. Hmmm shall I start a YouTube channel? What do you think?

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Introducing The Fuckboys: Questions Asked

Three of my favorite poets currently are @R.h.sin whose poems talk about true love and getting over someone who doesn’t appreciate you, @poetolu who does more of the humorous poetry and @pyrokardia whose poems talk about everything love related. You should follow them on Instagram for good doses of love.

Introducing The Fuckboys

Still on this fuckboy matter, I really appreciate all the contributions and comments so far. You can catch up on the previous posts here and here. Now to the third part of introducing the fuckboys! Some of the questions often asked about fuckboys include:


1. Why are guys fuckboys?

Tough one to answer. The best answer to this is: choosing to be a fuckboy is a personal decision. The thrill of it could be an ego booster for some guys. Guys feel excited by a new challenge being hunters normally. A new girl that seems like a challenge thrills them. So they take time to play her and then move on to a bigger challenge. There could be some occurrence that happens to some guys which change them from being good to bad guys. Families and friends too could be a factor in this. Some fuckboys do not feel loved hence the reason to move from one girl to another to feel a bit of being wanted. Also low self esteem could be responsible. Some guys think they are not worthy of love and hence don’t even bother to give it a try.

2. Can a fuckboy be changed?

Depends on what type of fuckboy. From the categories listed in the previous posts, the honest ones are the easiest to change. Although it is possible for a fuckboy to change when he meets a girl that he really likes, some times it would require a miracle to change a fuckboy. Although most of them mellow down when they start thinking of getting married. There are stories of a couple of fuckboys that changed.

3. Any hope in being with a fuckboy?

Ask yourself the question first: “are you emotionally sound?” If you’re strong enough to deal with whatever comes with a fuckboy, then there might be hope for you. Note that you could get so hurt you’d weep for days or weeks and keep questioning yourself what you did wrong.

4. What can you do then?

Stay away if you can. Don’t force yourself to stay in a situation with a fuckboy when you know there’s really nothing coming out of it. If you want a drama free life, don’t go into a relationship when you’re not ready to and define all your relations.

Soooo, what’s your take on this? Do you think a fuckboy can be changed or not? Got any question on this fuckboy issue?? Comment below. The best part of posting here is getting your feedback and comments. What are your thoughts about this post?

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Is There A Perfect Guy?

Hi readers!
This post was inspired by a conversation I had at my workplace with two middle age men. I was asked the question “Is it possible to find a guy that has all the qualities you want in a guy?” I had to think about it and based on what I learnt, I decided to share and get your opinion about this. Is there actually a perfect guy?

Is There A Perfect Guy

Being humans, it is inevitable that we have our different tastes and have to select what seems better to us at one point or another. Some people like lemonade, some don’t. Some prefer vanilla while others like chocolate and some like strawberry flavour. Same way some ladies like tall guys and some don’t. Having a particular set of features you look for in Mr Right/Mrs Right is a healthy thing. But then is it possible to find all these features in a guy/ladies?

My answer is yes. Yes it is possible but it can be rare because along the line you might discover Mr Right has some features you don’t like although he has every item on your check list of perfection. When I start listing the features I want in a guy, I start with he must be tall. Lol yes Mr Right must be taller than me or just about my height. I have heard some girls list up to 20 features but then you find them settling for someone who doesn’t have up to 7 of those features. Why is this so? It is basically due to the fact that tolerance and understanding exists.

Consider this scenerio:
A lady meets a guy that is tall, sweet, caring, purpose driven, handsome and all that; but he smokes and she doesn’t like the smoking part. If she is of the opinion that someone better could come along, she might decide to let him be. But otherwise, she could overlook the smoking because the other features are better. If you ask her the question above, she will say yes as the guy will seem perfect to her.

Same way a guy meets a girl who is beautiful, caring, hardworking and all he wants but she can’t cook. He could choose to accept that part of her or not. If he does, to him she is perfect. So it is possible to find a perfect guy or lady. It all depends on what your idea of perfect is. This is basically my own musing and opinion though. What do you think about this?

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And ‘Ember Arrives

Well hello there readers!
And ‘Ember arrives! Welcome to the first month in the ’ember quarter of the year. How is the year going for you? Good I hope. I am currently not where I want to be but not where I used to be. Learnt a lot over the past 8 months and I really hope to achieve more before the year ends.

This statement made by Jidenna (he is currently in Nigeria) which I came across on Pulse Ng when he was asked why he is not in a relationship is the most thoughtful I have seen all day. He said: “Being in a relationship is like gardening and if you can’t water the plants then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

Now that’s major food for thought. I am a science student and know the procedures that go on in nurturing a plant or gardening. It takes tenderness, dedication, love, investing a lot and care i.e. watering the plants. Think deeply about this and relate it to where you stand right now in your relationship. A lot of people can not even give a reason why they are in a relationship or state if they are nurturing the relationship.

I read an article recently on Funke Olotu’s blog about leaving the one you love. Reading the caption of the post, I was puzzled. However she talked about leaving the one you love when you can not make them happy or do not love them anymore. Yes you love them but do you know you might be causing more hurt by staying? Or they might even hate you in the future for pretending that long?

Relationships can be easy and blissful if you’re being honest with yourself and the person you’re dating. Relating this to Jidenna’s quote, one thing you should note is being in a relationship is not obligatory especially when you think you’re not ready for it. A relationship should be watered and developed for it to work. Don’t waste your time in the name of just being in a relationship for fun. Movies are not like the real world. You could see all sorts of scenerio on television but most of them don’t work in real life.

Today is September 1 on this side of the world which means there are just about four months left in this year. Exactly what do you intend to do with the rest of this year? It’s not too late to start. Ciao!

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Marking Territories In Relationships

Hi readers!
Still in my observing mode, another thing I noticed about this generation of ours is territory marking. If you have had a bit of experience in the relationship world or observant enough, the issue of marking territories in relationships shouldn’t be new to you. This issue is more particular to the female sex hence I won’t be talking in regard to the males.

 

There is a certain stage in which consciously or unconsciously, a girl starts marking territory around her man. It is a concept I find funny really. I remember studying biology in secondary school and being taught animal behaviour of which marking territory is one of.

There was a particular day I went for an event and I noticed a couple in front of me. Was trying to get a look at the guy’s face as he seemed familiar. However, I noticed the girl giving me an odd look. Didn’t pay attention to it at first. But then she reached out and started touching the guy’s head.

I smiled and understood. She was marking her territory, letting me know he belongs to her. By and by, I’ve noticed the same thing on several occasions.
Even my sister pointed it out to me although she’s just done with secondary school. In fact, the possessive attitude of secondary school girls is worse than in grownups.

Makes me wonder really. Is it really okay to mark territory? Or it might seem like you’re jealous? When should you start marking territory? Many girls have scared off a guy by making territories too early. Guys don’t really care about this act though. Marking territory is like one of the fastest way to break up as some guys do not fancy over possessive attitude. Some girls make it so bad that they start fighting with any girl that so much as tries to talk to her guy while she’s there.

There are some guys that would still find territory marking odd even when the relationship has passed a year. Some guys value that bit of freedom. But then territory marking seems like a normal or inevitable thing. I think marking territories is common in relationships that lacks trust.

What’s your say about this? Is territory marking normal? How do you go about dealing with a jealous girlfriend? Comment below.

P.s: I got nominated in two categories in the ongoing Ivory Awards: Dammy under OAP of the year and Life Of Dammy under Poet of the year. Kindly vote for me here Getting recognition for my work feels great really. Please vote as many times as possible. Thank you!

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Just Two Poems

sad-girl-pic-hdSitting in the leather chair

I wonder for how long

How long this would go on

The time has gone by

The seconds fluttering by

My heart still beats

Months has passed

But it still seems

Like yesterday

I write in dismayal

In bitterness

Because you’re fine

And I am not.

©️ Ajibike Oyindamola

 

I write of the one who shuns

A stone heart he has

My lover

The one my heart yearns for

His indecisiveness threatened

To tear my heart apart

His beguiling smile

I despise now

Because it brings to remembrance

That which was real long ago

I waited

Waited for him to come to

My lover is coldhearted

He loves me not

Or maybe he did

He shuns me

And so will I.

©️ Ajibike Oyindamola

 

 

This love thing

Everybody see’s it’s you
I’m the one that lost the view
Everybody says we’re through
I hope you haven’t said it too

So where
Do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes
And where
Can love take us now
We’ve been so far down
We can still touch the sky

[Chorus]
If we crawl
Till we can walk again
Then we’ll run
Until we’re strong enough to jump
Then we’ll fly
Until there is no winds
So let’s crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, Yeah
Back to love, Yeah

Why did I change the pace
Hearts were never meant to race
I always felt the need for space
But now I can’t reach your face
So where
Are you standing now
Are you in the crowd of my faults
Love, can you see my hand?
I need one more chance
We can still have it all

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Last year’s post here was about singleness. This being a new year, you should open your mind to new things which includes new relationships and love. Was listening to this song ‘Crawl’ by Chris Brown and I really loved the message in the song. Chris Brown is one of my favorite artists and ‘Crawl’ is a great song (see lyrics above) The song basically says it all.

Is your current opinion about love based on things that happened last year? How about you clear it? Today’s the 14th day of January which is still the new year. You’ve got sooooo many days before the year ends. How about you fill it with lovely moments? Yes, some things might have happened last year that hurts but thinking about how different it would have been won’t help. Moving on is just the best thing. Won’t you crawl back to love?

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And if you actually don’t have love issues in the past but you’re scared to try, how would you know the outcome if you don’t? Love is a wonderful thing!

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🙂

Single bells, single all the way!

Hi readers!
Just had to use the post heading because it sounds cool (I think)

Happy Christmas eve!

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With less than 6 days to the new year, I’d thought somehow, someway, I wouldn’t end this year single. Lol silly me.
Well, seems like I just might. Don’t get it wrong, I am not unhappy about my singleness state and I’m not elated either. Just cool with it.

Being single has opened my eyes to a lot of things, helping me discover myself and my potentials. My daddy would say it is quite wrong to move from one relationship into another. You should take time to resolve yourself emotional. Find out what happened in your last relationship and if it happens to be your fault, you should work on whatever it may be.

Being single is great but you really should know yourself well. If you don’t love yourself, it will be difficult to love someone else.
Don’t feel bad if you’re ending this year single, the new year will bring greater things. Beautiful things!
Just keep your head high and be you.

Had some photo shoots over the past week, can’t wait for you guys to see the pictures. Meanwhile, you can follow me on instagram @mystique_dammy to keep up with me.

And huh, can you please drop a comment about what you’d like to see/change on the blog? Thank you! 💕

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