The Big Deal About Growing Up

 

Hi readers!
I have had this post in my archives for a while but never thought of posting it, seeing it as silly musing. However, I read Chynanu’s post about growing up and I got motivated enough to post.

Here is what I’d written so far as at April 16, 2016.

‘I feel sorry for myself and every child who has to hurry into adulthood way before they are ready, I doubt if I’d ever be ready now. Don’t even know if I’m really a child or an adult. There are moments when I feel like one of the two. But really I feel like a child at heart, exploring this world before me. But there are those other real things I’m supposed to focus on. College, religion, family and love. I just want to pause time. Let everyone wait for me to catch on! Like we’re all going too fast. Aiming for this thing that restricts us from really living.

I do understand the concept of vacation now and these days, having a nap is like a reward not an actual normal thing. But of course the world won’t wait for me. So I live on.
There are days I relapse into being a child. I look at people around me and I’m like come on I’m just 18 years and a couple of months, not twenty something.’

So what is the big deal about growing up? You age and you’d die (Sorry for being honest). I am quite tall for my age and I’ve seen people gasp in disbelief when I tell them my age. This compounds to the growing up issue. Some people think because I’m tall and all, I’m supposed to behave all matured. These days I’m tired of how older people relate to me though. Especially my parents.

My mother stopped seeing me as a child the day I matriculated into college. I was just sixteen and a little over 5’7. I had called her that day when I had issues with my faculty registration and she had said ‘Oyin you’re funny o. Do you still think you’re a child? Sort yourself out.’ Then she hung up and didn’t call for three days.

Every single day of the first two weeks of resuming in college, I cried. I’m not ashamed to say this. I have never been away from home for more than three weeks till today, especially to a place I have few friends. I missed home everyday and I couldn’t tell my parents because ‘an adult is supposed to be strong’.

Up till last year, there were moments I would tell her I didn’t want to go to school. She’d laugh and tell me to get serious. Can I not be ‘unserious’ because I’m a child? I can’t even sleep in her bed anymore because that would be seen as childish.
And the emotional issues associated with relationships which this ‘growing up’ thing has brought me is enough for me to give up on growing up.

Chynanu made mention of Peter Pan in her post. I have always been a fan of Peter. Will always be. Used to believe in Neverland till I clocked 13 and science taught me there was no such thing.
Shall I refuse to grow up then? Nonsense you’d say. Of course not. I’d rather just take life at my own pace and leave all these teenagers rushing to grow up. Come on, I’m not ready to deal with rent, bills and all.

My mother made mention of how awesome my marriage would be sometime late last year and I paused for a moment. I actually thought about it. I am the first daughter and it is expected that I would get married first. She’s thinking of the next 6 years and I’m here like ‘Come on! I’m not even thinking of that yet. I’m just 18.’

Sure I’d have to cross that bridge some day but for now let me enjoy the last phase of my supposed childhood while I can. Yes, I’m scared of growing up.

Here’s a piece of poem for your reading pleasure:

Maturity is a vice
One which should be legalised
Age should not determine
How and what I should be
Act right they say!
I’d rather do this my way

Slow down dear time
Let me reach my prime
Oh Peter is the secret in your pan?
The way to Neverland
Let me be innocent again
Let me be young again

What’s your opinion about growing up? Do comment. Thank you! ❤

25 thoughts on “The Big Deal About Growing Up

  1. I love Peter Pan as well. I wish the world didn’t push us to mature so fast. There are a lot of things I miss.
    All those childhood games
    All the love and excess attention
    How I would love to do away with some of the responsibilities on my head
    But, of course, life goes on.
    Let’s roll with it.
    I love your blog, you’re awesome!
    Sorry for rambling on a bit.

  2. I can really relate to this post. I used to be so scared of growing up (sometimes I still am) but like you said, life won’t wait around for you to be ready to grow up so we might as well make good use of our chances as it comes.

  3. I love this post because I am able to relate to it??
    Uhmm Wait till you start paying light, water, fuel or gas bills, that’s when the growth thing really gets to you. But what I have realised is that our parents, at least to the best of their knowledge, have trained us to be able to handle life on our own at this age. They are sure we’ll cope in the outside world that’s why they expect us to be able to handle ourselves giving us the chance to make our mistakes and fix them if possible. So be happy your Mother trusted you enough to know you would and can handle any problem because the child she raised is strong enough to make her proud wherever she is ???. It’s exhausting I must say but it’s also reassuring knowing you have all you can to be an adult.
    But really…I love this post and know that you are not alone. Take a pause and enjoy adulthood???….sometimes beautiful things come out of ugly situations.

  4. Oh, girl, you brought to memory all the growing pains I had, well, growing up. I’m 20-something now, and I’ve really come into my own. It was amazing to me, because I slowly became okay with paying bills. I was okay with moving out and being on my own. I was okay working two jobs even though I would get so tired and stressed out I would cry myself to sleep. (Not ashamed to admit it either!) And you know what, I’m thinking about marriage!

    I really enjoyed your post, and I’m glad you finally did post it. I’m sure a lot of us go through these same feelings. In fact, I bet you most teenagers are scared to death of growing up, but they’re just too proud to admit it. I’m glad you’re not too proud to admit it, because someone is going to read this and feel a lot better about their fears.

    I think if you keep an open mind (curious and creative like a child), this growing up thing isn’t so bad. I think if you look at it as one big adventure, it’s okay. What really helped me was the realization that as an adult, I could do things I couldn’t as a child. I drove across States (I live in the US) to visit friends. I saved up money and traveled to Europe. I sign myself up for paint classes, or sports, or whatever I want, because I’m an adult and I can do that. So really, it’s not such a bad thing. And I think your parents raised you really well, so you probably have all the tools you need to get through life. The cool thing is, those tools show up when you least expect it, and suddenly you know exactly what to do.

    I still miss my childhood. Mostly, I miss idling away the hours in the trees or by the creek. But I know someday I will have children. And I’ll be able to relive my childhood and show them all the wonders of staring at the stars, lying in the grass, building snowmen, and enjoying their childhood. Life is an adventure. Let’s live it curiously. Never lose your sense of wonder.

    Although, if your sixteen your old daughter calls you from college, maybe you’ll remember that moment, and you won’t hang up on her, but you’ll give her a little help and tell her she’ll be okay. 😉

    1. This comment brought tears to my eyes. You have lived such an awesome life. Thank you so much for commenting. Now I feel inspired to do more and have a better life growing up. Thank you ❤

    2. The part where you talked about reliving childhood through your children got me.
      Thanks for sharing how you accepted being an adult.

  5. Honestly, I hate growing up. It’s scccccary. Just because I just finished college everyone is mentioning the M word, not my parents though. They believe I should be strong financially first.
    When I tell peeps I’ve never been in a relationship, they are like, at your age? It gets frustrating that they use age and growth to measure maturity and decisions.
    Once, I wished for breasts and figure 8 shape. Now I’m not so sure. Once I wished I lived in a house of my own. But when I heard of the tax and levies paid by landlords to the govt, Im like can’t I live at home forever? Or the fact that I’ll be spending over #5000 on average for feeding weekly.
    I can keep going on and on about growing up.
    A scripture keeps me going, it says: let no man despise thy youth…

    1. Oh yes. I know that one well… “You’ve never had a boyfriend? How old are you? WHY don’t you have a boyfriend?” I dislike when people assume boyfriends/girlfriends grow on trees and all you have to do is pick one. People, girls especially, seem to be defined by their relationship status. But you know, when I was single, I was free. I didn’t have to ask for permission. I didn’t have to check with someone else’s schedule. Now I am dating, and I carry that memory of freedom with me, because there was also loneliness. Now it’s a privilege to make plans with someone. It’s a pleasure to double check OUR schedule to make sure we’re on the same page. Because I remember the loneliness.

      The scripture I held on to when I was single was this: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry…

  6. Hahaha….same here…about a week ago, I was telling a frd of myn dat growing up was scary. Especially now dat everything in the country seems bad, and one keeps breaking away from the shell of ones parent. This post is so relatable especially how ones parent start talking of plans that should be made in about 7-8 yrs tym…it can be really scary…

  7. Really lovely post. But the thing about growing up, as ‘ve realised, is that it doesn’t always give us a choice to decide– more often than not, it happens upon us, imposes itself on us, demands to be worn like a cloak. That said, we have the innate power to choose how to deal with its demands. People will tell us to “grow up”, and “act up”, and wear adult clothes and look our age. What they fail to realise is that “growing up” is not something someone tells us to be or do, it is something that becomes us, something we become, in life’s pace. We find ourselves alone, or at certain phases in life– and just realise, as if we’ve been snapped out of a daydream, that the only way forward is “go”, we don’t know what we’ll find, or what’ll be or not be, but it is that process of finding out that counts. The “how”, not the “how long”. It is all that matters.

    We shall “grow up” when it’s time. Until then, we’ll just “be”. Drink Caprisone, eat Ginger bread, laugh out loud, and make silly jokes. Pablo Picasso said: “it takes a long time to become young”, so we must revel in the grace of youthfulness, for as long as life lets.

    Thank you for sharing! 😀 <3

    1. Thanks for this very lovely comment. I’m glad you could relate. Lol cheers to drinking caprisone, eating ginger bread and laughing out loud. Cheers to good memories ✌

  8. Oh my God, Dammy, I love this comeback post. I was just laughing at all these narratives especially with your mom.

    I still think Neverland exist though, I think after reading this post, I’d finally agree it does not. Sometimes, I think I grew up too fast. I clearly remember when I was 21 and I look back and I wonder what happened in between all those years.

    Most people always look at me and think I am younger than my age until I do or say some things and they are like, ‘Oh, she has had so much experience. I don’t think she’s a child’ and I feel really bad.

    I really really do wish I can still be a child and be treated as one. So many adulting phase I am not prepared for especially marriage.

    I don’t even care what people will say, I still act and live like a child and I love when my dad says, “You are still my little child”, makes me feel so secure, lols.

    1. Awwww. This comment made me smile. They really don’t get how much we like being treated as children sometimes. Not ready for marriage either lol.

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