Five Types of People You Find In Church

Marina Cathedral five types of people you find in church

Has it ever occurred to you how the mind wanders and thinks of the oddest things during church service? No? Well then, I confess that I belong to the percentage of people who get distracted in church sometimes.

Yesterday, I did a bit of thinking between choir ministration and sermon and it dawned on me how there were so many people in church but each person is there for different reasons. You see well dressed folks with smiling faces and then the opposite. I mentally grouped these people into five sets.

1. The Normal Christians

This set of people have a strong stand in the faith, are aware of their problems and willing to pray their way into solving them. Fasting is normal to them and they hold on to every word the pastor says. They are in church for serious business and prayer. At every instance they shout “I receive!”, “I believe!”, “Yes Lord!” etc.

2. The Dancers

This set of people have only one mission in church and that is to dance. A quick investigation might show some of them are regular at Friday turnups at the club and there are some sisters that have to restrain themselves from twerking in service as the groove is still in their body. They are the life of praise and worship however you’d find them dozing or pressing phone during sermon as it really isn’t any of their business.

3. The Slayers

These men and ladies are red carpet material. Their outfits are tailored to perfection or purchased from a designer. The ladies are the ones whose highlight can blind from a mile away and the men can be seen adjusting agbada or their suit. They are in church just to show off and of course, to take pictures to post later. Praying is not in their agenda as they feel they have their lives in order. If they do pray, it’s simply for thanksgiving of how good life is. Ask them what went down in service and they’d have nothing to say.

4. The Fuckboys

A male subset of The Slayers whose mission is to find and get with as many girls as possible. The sad part? There are girls who fall into their traps. Some of them have great jobs and are sweet mouthed as stipulated by The Demons constitution. During service, they are preoccupied with checking out girls and targeting how best to approach the light skinned usher or the sister with the big booty. They rarely function in workers’ role and if and when they do, it’s for access to more girls or to impress a particular one. In other words, they help add to the population of the church.

5. The Single Ladies

All the single ladies, all the single ladies 🎶
These sisters have been single for a while and have plans of getting married as soon as possible. Fighting for bouquet at weddings could be their speciality. They are well dressed and have eyes for detecting who is single and who is not amidst the brothers. Hearing a brother they have eyes on is taken is followed by a hiss. Half of them aren’t really religious amd are just in church to find a man.

In addition to the five, we have The Clueless who have no idea why they are in church. They just know it’s morally necessary to go so they get dressed and come. Also, there are The Gossips who know everything going on in church. There you have them. Which group do you fall into? Be honest with yourself lol. Leave a comment below.

Thanks for stopping by ❤


  1. Just as your mind wanders in church, mine too does. Why didn’t you kukuma create a mind wandering category na because that’s where I belong to o. From my pot of stew to the latest post I am preparing to Facebook to everi everi! My mind is busy flying everywhere.

    And I am the normal Christian. Praise the Lord somebody. It is only mind wandering that is spoiling my shine.

  2. Ahahahaha, I fall into the category of the ‘dancer’ and maybe ‘slayer’ when I am in a good mood. Sometimes, I don’t even care what I wear to church.

    But you forgot to add the category of those that come to church to sleep. Church afford them the opportunity not to worry about chores and help them calm their nerves to sleep…

    1. Slay mama! Those ones that come to church to sleep need serious deliverance. I can’t imagine why anyone would leave their house just for that.

  3. No 4 cracked me up
    I think I belong to the Gossips in the church, the truth is I don’t know what concern in people matter, I just find myself knowing it and telling my gossip gang.

    I also belong to the Normal Christians, if you should see me in church, you would believe I am the pastor’s first born, but my hallelujah is never heard, and my voice is never up.

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